Leave Myself Behind: a novel by Bart Yates: Review *Spoilers

Noah York is a closeted gay teenager with a foul mouth, a critical disposition, and plenty of material for his tirades. After his father dies, Noah's mother, a temperamental poet, takes a teaching job in a small New Hampshire town, far from Chicago and the only world Noah has known. While Noah gets along reasonably with his mother, the crumbling house they try to renovate quickly reveals dark secrets, via dusty Mason jars they discover interred between walls. The jars contain scraps of letters, poems, and journal entries, and eventually reconstructs a history of pain and violence that drives a sudden wedge between Noah and his mother. Fortunately, Noah finds an unexpected ally in J.D., a teenager down the street who has family troubles of his own.

I loved this book. It was pure fate and luck that I happened upon it in my school library and decided to take it. It was hidden on a bottom shelf and with the light coloring of the cover I almost missed it. I think it was the title the cause me to grab it. Usually I'm not a big fan of the self discovery type of books but some how that day the title, Leave Myself Behind, appealed to me.

One word to describe this book would be raw. It is dirty, earthy, and grounded. Curses are sprinkled in it giving it character and the educated quirkiness of the main character drew me in. How often does one find a main character in a fiction book that makes references to Neitzche and other various philosophers, thinkers, and writers. It is just so relate-able to the average high school student. So many high school romance books dumb down the characters to greatly wanting love and magically having great gpas and test scores; However, that intelligence shown in that magical gpa is never demonstrated fully in the character.

The substance of this book was also very interesting. It was a romance, yet it wasn't completely targeted at the lovey-doviness of it all. It more of a journey with romance that just happened to be equally entwined in the plot. The romance in the novel was a homosexual one, but I don't think that part is needed to be emphasized. A good romance shouldn't matter whether the love is homosexual, heterosexual, etc. but by the fact that it was more of a process where it all happened naturally.

I absolutely fell in love with the main character, Noah. I already remarked that he is very educated and relate-able to the average student. His education is shown very clearly in his character and his intelligence is very appealing. Noah's colorful language is just beautiful. I tell you, its very rare these days to find a teenager who doesn't curse at least mentally. His honesty in the expressal of his feelings is so straight forward the reader gets hit with his ever emotion and thought.

Noah is also not a weak character; He has a pretty solid backbone. He knows love when he sees it, yet he won't let it rule him- to bend him. In the story after J.D. and Noah finally discover that yes, the love each other, they face the dilemma of J.D.'s girlfriend. J.D. wanted desperately to keep their relationship a secret and keep is girlfriend. Noah would have none of it. He very blatantly states: Yes, I do love you but you can't keep me in the shadows J.D.. Make your choice. This standing of his ground is just something that we rarely see these days in high school romances. High schoolers are usually portrayed as so desperate at seeking love they would stoop to any level. This standing gives a larger perspective the character of an average teenagers. We aren't all sad little people living for our moment of finding affection.

The only iffy part of this book was the fact that everyone was raped: Noah's mother, J.D.'s mother, Nancy. Seriously? That is a lot of assault going on in one novel. I understand that that author was trying to get a point across to connect all the stories together but this felt like a little much. It definitely passed the line of coincidence to forced planning. There were also various little cliches lightly dusted around but I excused those. I like the fact that this book didn't solve all its writing problems. Its flaws added to its character and that's a rare thing for me to say.

I also didn't see much point to the side story that involved the jars, and all the rapes. It was simply just there. Yes, it added to some of my fascination with this book but I didn't find it particularly connected to the main plot of the story.

However, on a note of surprise, I came to find J.D.'s father to be one of my favorite characters also. He really didn't have a large part or even a point in the story but I frankly don't care. His simple drunken attitude plainly appealed to me. To me he showed that life wasn't always a wonderful adventure. Sometimes to will prove to turn out to be plain sucky, yet we still continue living the same repetitive life. He was real and I liked that.

Yes, this book has its flaws, but somehow the flaws in this book just makes it more precious. The cleverness of Noah's character is enticing and the whole book is a picture of raw reality. I would definitely recommend this book as a must read.